Otaku’s Shame – Hiding Your Hobbies to Bag a Babe

Otakus’ troubles with members of the opposite sex have plagued them since the dawn of information. This stereotypical attribute overshadows any of the good traits associated with the obsessive hobby of collecting useless trivia and merchandise.

The intrusion of a potential life partner’s critical social eye causes irrational behavior in a good fan including the suppression, downplaying and even hiding of otaku treasure collections. You must act ignorant of all of your prized possessions and find some closet, basement or attic to conceal your You’re Under Arrest videos, Patlabor models, Final Fantasy VII toys and six year long Hobby Japan magazine collection from the scrutiny of someone that now expects you to spend money on them. Gone are the days when you could lay out your LEGO space station and lunar surface across the living room floor for a mecha battle with the MS in Pocket assortment of tiny Gundam toys. Your leisurely days and nights at the mall are now filled with J. Crew, Brown’s Shoes, Marshall Fields and the Rain Forest Café instead of Kay Bee Toys, Electronics Boutique, Suncoast Video and Taco Bell.

After you have successfully swept your hobby life under the carpet bathed and cleaned the toilet you might have a chance at a date or two. On these dates the conversation will fall into natural lulls. During these lulls do not panic and start trying to explain the plot, social importance and attraction to Neon Genesis Evangelion. Believe me, when you begin to explain the complexity of Shinji’s psyche you will invariably bore, confuse and freak out your date. Instead fill the dead air with a unique compliment like, “Boy, you sure did gel that hair good, I mean, well.” Surviving to the end of the date is the easy part, now you have to invite your mate up to your domicile. Do not do this. No matter how much you have prepared your home to appear anime free your date will happen upon a stray anime trading card, see the Tenchi Muyo screen saver you forgot to disable on your computer or a Rei in school uniform doll leg sticking out of your dresser. Think of how mortified you will feel when you incorrectly direct your special friend to the bathroom and upon the opening of the closet door 100 empty Bandai model kit boxes bury your guest. Any one of these clues will lead your date to thinking about other fish in the sea.

As an otaku, you should also realize that you can find an understanding life partner willing to accept you for the geek you are. The line between the love life you have with your toys and the one that really makes you happy is as sharp as a razor’s edge. After you are sure you have found someone that can accept your foibles unconditionally feel free to geek out and if you are lucky the otaku disease will spread into their system and you will have a true partner in crime.

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